Orbiting the WWE Universe #4 – Superstars

Wanda comes back to give us her insight on another WWE show. She’s starting to get more into the groove! How does it affect her perception of the WWE Universe? 

It was time to cleanse my RAW mind of Punk, Big Show and even my favorite, Sheamus, so a stop from Orbiting the WWE Universe at Superstars was long overdue. I needed to see some new talent and I had also heard from a very reputable source that there was to be a man with a golden voice and fabulous fashion sense appearing on this weeks show. So, read on to hear what I thought of my latest WWE stop.

Hunico vs Yoshi Tatsu

Well the disappointing thing is I missed the opening and therefore Tatsu’s entrance. But, I’m thinking it went something like this….
What side is that streak of red hair, left or is it right? Did my hairdresser make sure the color matched my fire engine red tight pants? Should I have worn my hair loose and flowing or is it better tied up? Were the tassles on my arms the right accessory?
So lucky for me I got to see Hunico talkin, I don’t know what on his way to the ring. Sayin a lot of something but not really makin any sense. Ok, bad spellin ends here! Black tank top, black pants, black sunnies to protect his eyes from the glare of the stadium lights and what’s that, white trainers…oooh, now that’s what I call sexy. Best accessory has to be the bandana, or is it the beanie wearing eye candy on that bicycle next to him?

So Hunico still talking about the weather when Tatsu makes a move on him, “come to me Hunico and check out the package I have in my pants”. A fantastic leap from the ropes by Tatsu over Hunico’s head and then a full pelt body slam not once, or twice but three times.
I’m really enjoying Tatsu, not seen him before and he has some pretty inventive moves, just wish he would finish Hunico off.
Hunico climbs the ropes but takes so long to get up that Tatsu climbs up after him, wraps his legs around Hunico’s neck and back flips them both over slamming Hunico on the floor (picture those cartoon stars floating around his head now). But even that wasn’t enough to end the match. A few more swings, slams, slaps and smashes and finally Hunico brings out the nasty to finish Tatsu off.

Alex Riley vs Jinder Mahal

Wow could Josh Mathews look any less intelligent and you are not convincing me you are smart by using words greater than one syllable. And Scott Stanford, how do you keep your brain cells from being sucked out of your head by Mathews?
I’ve not seen Riley before, he is fit, but doesn’t stay still long enough for me to get a good look of his face. Just caught a glimpse of his face, yep, no doubt he sure is a pretty boy, I just hope he can wrestle.
Mahal, I’ve seen you before, turban, perspex turban holder, but wait what’s that you are wearing tonight, a coat made from your curtains. Things must be tough in the Mahal royalty if you are using your curtains. I do like your white boots though, very sixties and they are coming back into fashion so who knows, maybe curtain fabric coats will too.
I’ve just noticed that Riley has a great booty. Goodness, both wrestlers are wearing tight fitting budgie smugglers (ok, for you non Aussie’s, Google budgie smugglers to know what I’m talking about). But Riley is definitely filling his out much better and getting full value from them. Don’t be afraid to use color for your pants though Riley, although I do like the subtle tones of gold and green on them (an obvious acknowledgement to your newest Aussie fan, me!)
Cue next demonstration by Mathews that he is not as dumb as he seems, Scott was talking about Riley’s 5 tiers when Mathews said “um, thats only 4 you have described” to Scott…..well duh, Scott so knew that and was leaving the best till last “5, the women love this guy”. We sure do Scott, we absolutely do and I’m sure a few guys out there love Riley too.
I’ve just realized I’ve not mentioned anything about the actual match. Ok, here it goes, Mahal headlocks Riley (noooooo) but Riley gets out of it and with Mahal bouncing off the ropes, flings himself from the ropes and flies through the air ever so gracefully to kick Mahal down to the floor (yeahhhhhh).
Scott, please don’t suggest Mathews uses Google to look Mahal’s Bollywood girlfriends. Remember, he is not as worldly as you and probably doesn’t understand the term girlfriend let alone Google.
Ouch, gasp, absolute horror….Mahal has slammed Riley on the ropes and possibly damaged potential mini Riley’s from being made…I don’t like Mahal and no it’s not because of the curtain coat, he just has a look in his eyes. Maybe it’s determination or to put the fear in his opponents but the look is not nice. Riley comes back, smashes into Mahal (yay) but then Mahal unleashes the camel clutch on Riley and the match ends (boooo).
Well, that’s the end of my review as I need to console myself that Riley was not victorious…..ok, I have moved on now and am ready for the next match.

Intermission, RAW recap time with John Cena and People Power speedster, Mr John Laurinaitis. Ok, I know this Laurinaitis dude is GM of RAW and Smackdown but really, do we need too see so much of him. And if we have too, could he not have got himself a bigger gopher to ride on.
Best part of intermission, Cena saucing Cole, worst part seeing Cole shirtless and pant less. No one should have to see that, no one. Therapy needed now….

Broski Zack Ryder vs Jack Swagger

Ryder reminds me of an Aussie 80′s singer with his hairstyle, purple sunnies and fluorescent pants Woo Woo Woo (another reference to use Google and check out pic’s of the singer Brian Mannix and you might see what I am talking about, don’t forget to squint your eyes before looking). His smirk too is rather fetching, or maybe Ryder is trying to snarl. More practice needed in front of your mirror and don’t wear the sunnies.
Swagger is “Aquaman” in his outfit with a “I’ve pooped my pants” walk. On first glance he reminded me of a younger Regal, but no, not at all, Regal is so much more ummm, excuse me while I just go and cool down.
I’m not getting the circle prance that Swagger is doing around Ryder. He reminds me of a great white shark circling its next victim, but Swagger’s prance is more “look at me running, I’m just fabulous”.
I can hear the gasp now from Solace when Scott said he doesn’t like to take his shirt off. Don’t worry Solace, he won’t take his shirt off with Ryder as Ryder will only be jealous. And he has to be careful to not burn that delicate, luscious skin  of his.
Swagger is just knocking Ryder over like he is a bowling ball and Ryder the solitary pin.
Mathews please shut up. So what if Scott is friends with Ryder. So what if Scott knows more bigger words than you, can you please, please do us all a favor and forget that they are friends. One day, you will get a friend, but for now, just be pleased for Scott.
Ryder picks Swagger up with one arm and flung him to the floor. Goodness, it’s hard to believe just how strong Ryder is, Woo Woo Woo.
I’ve just worked out that Swagger reminds me of what I think Americans call a Jock, a football player from a school, where Ryder would be the boy who has his head shoved down the toilet by the Jock.
Finally, the Broski move is out but it’s not enough to finish Swagger off. Wow, Swagger is bleeding from the mouth, looks like that Broski move did some damage but not enough, as Swagger pins Ryder down for a final time to win.

Well, superstars was pretty good, no Diva’s thank goodness and three matches that were full of entertainment and special moves. Highlight of the show, has to be Alex Riley. Even though he lost this time around he will be back if only to satisfy the female WWE audience. Worst part of show that my ears were subjected to the whiny voice of Mathews. I don’t get how he is more popular than Scott Stanford or Regal. I know he is younger but really, without Scott on Superstars it wouldn’t be super no matter how many stars were in it.

I have enjoyed my short stop this time around. Thanks as always to the two people who I hold totally responsible for my interest in all things WWE, my long distance pals, Solace Winter and Shawn Decker.

Top 4 of WWE Superstars 3/29/12

Would you buy a used car from these men?

Only two matches, and I still made a top four out of it. I’m good.

4. Matt Striker

This week, since there were only the two aforementioned matches, they taped them both before Raw. They allowed Matt Striker and Scott Stanford to do the commentating and all I can say is, “Thank goodness.” Matt Striker wakes up for Superstars this week and has someone he can make jokes with, or tease, that does not sit there like a log. The only downside to Striker is that he makes it obvious when it’s going to be a two-count and not the final pin, though I am almost positive he doesn’t realize that is what he is doing. Still, Striker was always a great commentator and he seems to rejuvenate some of that greatness during this episode.

3. Tyson Kidd vs. Justin Gabriel

Normally I would put Kidd higher up on the match list because he’s incredible every time, but I think this match was cut short due to injury. Gabriel busted open his lip and it was pretty bad. Poor guy. Before that happened in the five minutes that the two did wrestle in this main event the two of them looked great. Gabriel has been growing in my esteem and I’ve been pushing the Kidd Agenda on everyone for awhile now. Too bad Striker seemed to forget that Kidd went back to being a face again because he was pretty insulting. My least favorite part was when Scott let that roll right off of him! SCOTT! Protect Kidd! He’s not money-grubbing! Okay, personal feelings aside (sort of) this was still an excellent match, but I had to give the higher match grade to the one that lasted longer and had more back and forth.

2. Alex Riley vs. Heath Slater

Heath Slater wins this match, which caused a small discussion between my boyfriend and me. He thought Riley should have won. I, on the other hand, think Slater needed a win more than Riley did. Riley is a superstar, whether the internet community wants to admit it or not. Riley comes out and the crowd goes wild. Every show I’ve been to when Riley steps out everyone cheers. Slater is still hated, which is sad because even with the personality that is meant to be obnoxious he is quite good in the ring. Together the two of them put on quite a fun match that is full of back and forth and moves that the two have finally begun to perfect. These two have come a long way and I look forward to more.

1. Scott Stanford

Of course Scott is number one. Have you guys actually listened to me on why, though, or do you assume it’s just because I love Scott? I do love Scott, but he proves again why in this episode. It’s the Road to Wrestlemania. He and Striker were told to fill us with talk that is supposed to excite us for the show while Superstars becomes an afterthought. Striker and Scott do not allow it. They talk about Wrestlemania, they have to, but they transition fluidly from one to the other. Scott, though, shines with his usual one-liners, but he whines a bit brighter thanks to Striker. When Scott says something ridiculous Striker does not let it go and the two have a back and forth that is superb.

Scott’s Best Lines of the Week:

“You couldn’t go without the Tebow reference!”

“No! 2 count.”

“You look at Riley’s twitter account and you see hundreds of marriage proposals. You know who is date is going to be to the Hall of Fame? His mother!”

“Otay, Spanky!”

“I’ll tell you what, we’ll find out on Sunday.”

“Some would say it’s Tim Tebow.”

“That’s gotta do it!”

Superstars 11/17/11

Three exciting matches took up the first half of Superstars this week. Drew McIntyre, Alex Riley, Epico, Primo, The Usos, Tyson Kidd, and Trent Barreta all make their appearances and show us what matches should look like.

There is not one match I could complain about. Alex Riley was my least favorite person on Superstars, and the more I’ve seen him on Superstars the more he’s grown on me. When someone I’ve come around to liking is my least favorite person on a show it’s likely a good sign.

The first match is Drew McIntyre against Alex Riley, and wow does McIntyre make his move set look brutal. This might have been my favorite match of the night just from the way the two of them worked this match and destroyed one another. It was also the perfect set up for Riley’s finisher that I’ve ever seen. Riley applies the finisher better than he has in the past and this becomes a match I would give an A grade to if I was grading.

The second match introduces the tag team of Epico and Primo who are in a stable now with Hunico. Epico and Primo are cousins and they do admit this on the show. Of course it’s hard not to notice as the two of them look like they could be brothers, not cousins. Epico and Primo get to show off their chops against The Usos, who are always energetic and alive within the ring. They come out to their dance where Scott Stanford comments, “The first time I saw that duo perform that dance I tried it myself and gave myself a black eye.”

This match is the one that surprised me. I was sure they were going to let Epico and Primo lose since The Usos have been receiving a good show lately on NXT (if anyone has been watching!). Epico and Primo are heels in a stable with Hunico. Logically I saw them losing. Imagine my excitement, and then my torn emotions, when they won. I could have gone either way with this match but it was good to see Epico and Primo pick up the win. When was the last time Primo won?

The last match of the evening was Tyson Kidd vs. Trent Barreta. Kidd and Barreta are an excellent main event to end an excellent showing of matches. Barreta was bound to lose, it was time to let Kidd pick up a win again, but I was not disappointed with the ending. These two know how to set up moves so every action looks fluid.

Now for the commentary section of the show, because you know I can not review Superstars without talking commentary. My favorite commentator in the world is on Superstars, I must mention what a breath of fresh air this man is on any show. Scott shows enthusiasm where others sound robotic and he makes it about the superstars while others make it about themselves. This man knows what he’s doing and others should take note.

As Scott mentions a line about something Zack Ryder had told him about his tag team with Primo really being over Josh quips, “He also said something like that on twitter.” Cringe. But we leave it alone. It was one twitter reference out of two matches, that really isn’t too bad.

Then we get to the main event, Tyson Kidd vs. Trent Barreta. For whatever reason Josh Mathews has taken Jack Korpela’s place alongside Matt Striker. Anyone who follows me on twitter knows of my dislike for Josh Mathews. He is robotic and a shadow of the commentator he sits next to. He has no real personality of his own and seems to find it difficult to keep up. I avoided complaining about him sitting next to the great William Regal on NXT but tonight he and Matt Striker go too far.

As Tyson Kidd and Trent Barreta are being introduced Striker and Mathews talk about John Cena and The Rock before noticing Barreta is almost to the ring. They mention Barreta for a moment before going back to John Cena and The Rock. Fine, we know that happens.

Before the bell rings to start that match Striker brings up twitter. All right, fine, we know they have to talk about twitter. We aren’t stupid.

One minute into the match, no mention of the match, just social media.

About two minutes in they mention the match as Kidd gets a hook of the leg, no pin, back to twitter.

Three minutes in and Mathews makes the comment of, “Trent Barreta looking to trend world wide right now!” as he got for a move to finish Kidd off. It does not work. Now the match has finally taken precedent. Three minutes in. The match last about four minutes.

Someone made the comment on twitter to Mathews, “I wish Josh Mathews didn’t have to ruin good matches by constantly harping about twitter. The performances deserve better. #Superstars” Mathews’ response to this was, “Really? Does anyone else see the irony in this?”

Someone hand the man a dictionary. Is it sort of funny that the person used twitter to complain about Mathews talking about twitter? Sure. Is it ironic? No. Three minutes of commentary in a four minute match should not be used to talk constantly about social media. Kidd and Barreta deserved better than that. Sadly, this is also one of those times where Striker goes to the bottom of my list as well. I usually enjoy Striker, but social media is not more important than the match in front of you. Make your reference and move on. We are here to watch wres- er, sports entertainment. We are not here for a lesson on facebook and twitter. We “internet fans” already know how it works.

Top 3 Reasons to watch This Week’s Superstars

I would normally go with the top 4 reasons to watch Superstars but I’m struggling. I disliked the Smackdown match this week enough that I have to keep looking up who it was because it was forgettable to me. (It was Heath Slaters against Ezekiel Jackson) I am entertained by Heath Slater though the more popular opinion is to hate him, but Ezekiel Jackson bores me. I found him more entertaining when he was out with an injury and being a trooper on twitter than I’ve ever found him as a superstar.

That means this week it will be a slightly condensed list:

3. Alex Riley vs. Drew McIntyre

Once again Alex Riley is trying to prove he’s not as botchy as we think he is. Of course it’s hard to fail when up against Drew McIntyre, who is a star in the ring. It’s just a shame that WWE does not see it the way we do. These two work well off of each other and bring us a pretty entertaining match.

2. Santino vs. JTG

Santino makes a more triumphant return on Superstars because instead of squashing JTG he gets to put on a good match for us. Yes, he has more hair than anyone is use to but he’s still just as entertaining as ever. And despite what everyone says about JTG the man does know how to wrestle. Will he ever be a main eventer? Of course not. But he is good at what he does and someone needs to be in that position to help put other men over. Not that Santino needs help getting “over”. He’s beloved and entertaining and charismatic.

1. Scott Stanford

I laughed so hard at Stanford’s commentary this week I had to rewind the first match because I missed it. Stanford works in commentary the way men wish they could. He’s vibrant and going to make sure you are entertained, whether it be by the match in the ring or him as he makes sure you know something about every person who shows up in the ring. Working alongside Josh Mathews Stanford dominates the commentary section. Of course I think Stanford could dominate any of the current commentators with possibly the exception of Cole, and for Cole it would just be pure tenacity.

Superstars may not have been my favorite of the WWE shows this week, that title so far might go to NXT, but for those who complain they want wrestling… You might be protesting too much if you aren’t watching the show that features just that.

Remember, if you are in the States, Superstars is back on wwe.com brought to us every Thursday after 4pm EST and available any time after.

The best of Scott Stanford’s commentary this week

“Well here comes Mr. Chill. Mr. Fly. Mr. Minty Fresh.” – on JTG

“This guy is so cool, so fly, fresh, the folks at Febreeze are making a JTG fragrance.”

“Say hello to my little – No!”

“JTG, so fly this guy, he’s got TSA agents patting people down when they come to his house.”

“JTG is so cool, Josh, when he stops his SUV the rims don’t spin, the whole truck spins.”

“Kim Kardashian, Snooki, these are the people we look up to nowadays, huh? Maybe he’s got a point.” – On Drew thinking Americans are shallow

“Yes, things have certainly been going awry-” Josh Mathews on A-Ry

“McIntyre just staying alive here on Superstars.”

“This Alex Riley is a veritable Pu Pu Platter of talent, Josh. To use a Chinese food example, if I may.”

“I know what you’re thinking right now, if you look under the Chinese restaurant menu you would see my picture under Sum Dum Gai.” Josh: “I have moved on from your Chinese food references.”

Top 4 Reasons to Watch Superstars 10/06/11

This week Superstars made a triumphant return to wwe.com.  Here are the top four reasons you should watch it!

4. Matt Striker and his Ego

That wording might sound like I’m being harsh to Matt Striker but in fact this might have given us insight into how Striker really feels?

“I personally feel I’m a top tier announcer, a top tier manager, I can still go in the ring put a mic in my hand and again I’m top tier. But I’ve gotta eat and so I’m sitting right here and trying to be as neutral as I can.”

Matt Striker did not seem in the least vain when he was asking Jack Korpela what he was going to do about his job and then announcing how he felt. Instead Striker laid it on in the way he does all of his commentating: this is fact. Do not take what he is saying with a grain of salt. For those moments as his words come out of your speakers you will believe him.

3. AJ vs. Tamina

I have been waiting to see Tamina in the ring again. I’ve been a fan of Tamina since her explosive debut with the Usos last year. She might not be the best stylistic diva on the roster but she is learning. She may not be the most attractive diva in the ring but you can not keep your eyes off of her.

Put Tamina up against AJ, who bends like a pretzel and can take a wicked beating, and you have a solid match. AJ and Tamina look beautiful in the ring and keep your eyes entertained, even if you feel a bit dirty as you watch AJ.

2. JTG vs. Alex Riley

In a blog from just the other day I complained about being able to notice Alex Riley’s botched moves. Today he makes it into my top four list on Superstars. Why? I did not notice a single misstep in his match against JTG, who has also grown as an athlete since you stopped watching him. Alex Riley slowed down and it made the world of difference.

Now, instead of being the part where I groan during Superstars, this was the most delightful match I was able to see.

1. Scott Stanford

Scott Stanford is not just Zack Ryder’s broski. There is a reason he was picked to work as a commentator with the WWE. The man has the voice, he has the skills, he just does not get the time. He is engaging and going to make Superstars worth your while. For those who complain that Superstars has no underlying plot Scott Stanford and Josh Mathews will give you that plot. They will tell you the locker room stories that make these men and women a bit more interesting to watch.

Scott’s come a long way in his year at the commentating table (October 7th will mark his one year anniversary with Superstars). He’s taken the time to learn what is going on and bring it to you with excitement and vigor. He could make the most boring of shows worth watching, and Superstars is far from boring.

Other things of note during this episode are two other matches: Percy Watson vs. Michael McGuillicutty and Tyson Kidd vs. Ted Dibiase. Tyson Kidd’s Superstars matches would normally make my top four list, however this match felt cheated on time so they could show a recap of what happened Monday night. These two men deserved more time.

Scott Stanford’s best commentary lines from this week:

“JTG is the flyest Superstar here in the WWE.”

“JTG graduated from the mean streets with a degree in Flyology.”

“When he turns it on, BOY, he really turns it on.”

“Would you ever use that term to describe me? A pop off the screen personality?” Josh: “Nope!”